


all I need is you

by mautrino



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gray deserves all the love and cuddles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, and his boyfriends love him so much, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21687925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mautrino/pseuds/mautrino
Summary: Gray had a bad night and is struggling more than usual, but luckily he has amazing loving boyfriends who are right there when he needs them.
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel/Sting Eucliffe, Rogue Cheney/Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney/Natsu Dragneel, Rogue Cheney/Natsu Dragneel/Sting Eucliffe/Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72
Collections: my heart is too big for just one of you





	all I need is you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [splendidlyimperfect](https://archiveofourown.org/users/splendidlyimperfect/gifts).

> Yo! I had a sudden strike of inspiration for this fic and wanted to dedicate it to the amazing splendidlyimperfect for reaching 100 fics for the ft fandom! Congrats! You're one of my absolute favorite writers and I strive to reach the level of emotion and depth in writing as you're able to capture in yours! 
> 
> Based in the 'I'm with them' verse for the OT4, after Natsu and Gray's accident. It's my first time writing for the adorable dorky boys in love so I hope I did them some justice! Maybe also a touch of projecting on my part lol. I'm sorry Gray, but you'll get some comfort I promise.
> 
> TW for PTSD / Slight panic attack

Gray woke with a start, slowly pulling himself up with a groan towards the edge of the bed. He tugged off the shirt that was clinging to his skin and took several deep shuddering breaths, still feeling some lingering heat traveling along his back and up his neck. A heavy pressure was building behind his temples.

The shadows of his dream still clung to him as he closed his eyes. 

_ Sound of breaking glass, screeching tires, pained screams... _

It had been a while since he’d dreamed about the accident last year, but sure enough, they popped back up now and again, clawing back to the forefront of his mind.

Gray turned back to look at Natsu, who had curled up beside Gray last night. He reached out, brushing the messy fringe from Natsu’s face gently with a trembling hand. Grateful that Natsu was a heavy sleeper and Sting and Rogue were also still asleep, not wanting to wake them.

His chest ached tightly whenever he thought about how close they had come to losing Natsu… but Gray didn’t want to let that feeling settle right now. It hurt too much to think about.

Gray padded his way out to the living room and dropped onto the couch with a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair. The cool air in the room settled his nerves a bit.

Every time he felt like he’d made decent progress from it all, one dream and all those feelings came rushing back. It wasn’t as bad as it used to be, admittingly thanks to therapy, but some nights were just harder than others when every little feeling pulled on his mind heavily.

How he wished he could just shut off his brain so he didn’t have to deal with anything, but nothing was ever that simple.

The others made it look easy at times, seemingly able to heal and move on eventually. Yet, the clouds of doubt, guilt, and hurt continued to follow him. An irritating static in the back of his mind he couldn’t get rid of, a lingering thrum in his bones. 

Gray turned on Netflix to some random show they had been watching, putting the sound on low and settling to lay on the couch, another pillow pressed to his chest, willing the white background noise to lull him into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

* * *

Gray slowly woke again to the smell of fresh coffee and the feel of a hand gently running through his hair, curling it around his ear. Gray groaned and stretched out his limbs out a bit, feeling the soft material of the blanket that must have been thrown over him at some point. 

“Hey, love.”

Gray finally blinked awake, seeing Rogue sitting in front of him on the coffee table. A soft expression on his face, dark eyes concerned. Guilt trickled through Gray’s chest. He shouldn’t be making them worry like this.

“Hey,” Gray rasped, trying to give Rogue a reassuring smile as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. His body still felt heavy and sluggish. 

“You okay?” Rogue asked, warm palm settling over Gray’s knee, thumb brushing the skin there softly, “Sting had gotten up early and noticed you weren’t in bed.”

“Yeah, I’m- I’m fine.” Gray cleared his throat, pulling up a pillow back to his chest. “I just couldn’t sleep,” he murmured, not wanting to think about the intrusive thoughts that refused to leave his mind since last night.

Gray saw some hesitation in Rogue’s eyes, probably wanting to ask him more but he just gave Gray a small smile. Which Gray was thankful for. He wasn’t sure he could put together the words of what exactly was wrong anyway. The swirling mix of emotions in his chest made his stomach hurt.

“I’m always here if you want to talk about it,” Rouge said softly, giving his knee a squeeze, “Need me to stay a bit longer? Natsu and Sting had an earlier start time today so they already headed out, but I’m sure the shop would be ok for a bit longer without me?”

Part of Gray’s mind was pleading to say  _ ‘yes, please stay with me. I need you, _ ’ craving that comfort but a bigger part didn’t want to be a burden. 

“N-No, it’s okay,” Gray said, waving him off and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, running a hand through his hair again, “go on ahead. I’ll be better after some coffee, you know me.” Gray gave another half-smile that he could feel didn’t connect. 

Rouge gave him a soft look, nodding as he leaned forward to place a kiss to Gray’s temple. “See you soon. Love you, sweetheart,” Rouge whispered before standing.

“Love you too,” Gray breathed, watching Rogue give him a wave before he stepped out the door. 

_ But I don’t feel worthy of his love. They all deserve better than me…  _

Gray took a shuddering breath. The backs of his eyes pricked strongly as he pulled the pillow back tighter against his chest and sunk into the corner of the couch. 

He didn’t deserve their kindness and gentle words when he was such a broken mess. Why did he always have to let himself fall so far. He should be better than this. Better than letting the overwhelming tension in his mind and aching anxiety in his chest get the best of him. 

But sometimes, the pull into that familiar corner of darkness was too strong…

* * *

It was now Friday night and they were all settled in the living room after date night. Ramen, at Natsu’s request. 

“That was so good,” Natsu sighed, nuzzling into the crook of Sting’s neck as he draped himself over Sting who was settled on the other end of the couch, “that place may be my new favorite.”

Sting laughed. “You say that every time we go somewhere new, babe.” His voice was soft and fond as he ran a hand through Natsu’s hair.

Gray watched Rouge chuckle at something Natsu said, his chest aching at the easy and soft way they interacted with each other.

He felt a pull of longing, wishing he could reciprocate that same comfort and closeness, but sometimes be just.. couldn't. 

Especially when he’d been feeling like he had all week. Just trying to keep himself together enough to get by but the threads were starting to unravel. 

The sounds around Gray were starting to turn into a heavy static in his mind.

Maybe they really are better off. They seem to be. Without him or the looming darkness that was always closer than he thought and would only pull them down with him if they got too close. They didn’t deserve that. They deserved better than the broken pieces of himself that he offered but felt could never be put back together. They had their own lives to deal with and his issues weren’t worth bothering over. Was he really worth it? Was he worth anything? They would probably get tired of him eventually. What if-

“Gray?”

A soft voice brought Gray out of his quickly spiraling thoughts. He turned to see Natsu’s concerned expression beside him. “You okay?” 

Natsu had left a bit of space between them, but Gray could tell Natsu was trying to hold himself back from his usual physical comfort.

Heat crawled up Gray's neck when he saw Sting and Rogue’s worried expressions too. 

His skin suddenly felt too hot and too tight. Clothes too constricting. There was too much going on in the room, everything was too much and-

“Gray,” Natsu called out again, “talk to me, love, please.” Natsu’s fingers trailed gently over Gray’s arm, the touch slowly bringing him back, grounding him from crumbling too quickly.

“I can’t- It’s just… I’m-”

Shit, why was he such a mess?

“Please don’t say you’re fine or ‘just tired’,” Natsu said softly, “we could tell this past week you haven’t seemed like yourself but I know you like your space sometimes.” 

Natsu’s hand slowly came up to brush through Gray’s messy locks, curling around his ear and nails slightly scoring his scalp and behind his neck. 

Gray took a deep shuddering breath at the soothing touch. “I- It was- I had a bad dream the other night,” Gray murmured, arms wrapping around himself as Natsu continued to thread his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, “about the accident…”

“Oh, Gray. I’m sorry, it’s been a while since you had one,” Natsu said, his voice soft and warm, “Is that why you were out here that morning?”

Gray nodded and Natsu made a soft sound, scooting closer. Gray’s hold on himself loosening slightly as he felt more of Natsu’s warmth.

“Can I hug you?” Natsu asked.

Gray’s heart pleaded yes, but he didn’t trust his voice and just nodded. 

“Come here, you,” Natsu whispered, pulling Gray into his lap, tucking his head under his chin.

As soon as he was right up against Natsu’s warmth and breathing in that comforting cinnamon and pine scent that felt like home, the walls he had tried to hide his hurt behind finally broke.

Gray’s vision quickly became blurry, trying but failing to hold in his heavy tears as they fell onto Natsu’s shirt. 

Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu’s waist tightly. Sting had come to sit closely behind Gray, rubbing Gray's back and running a hand through his hair. Rogue sat in front of him, a warm hand on Gray's knee. All their warm touches grounding him further.

“T-then those feelings started coming back… of wishing... wishing it would have been me, t-then maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much for you all,” the words were tumbling out before Gray could stop them, voice trembling and unsteady, his fears leaking out of him like out of a broken pipe. They all made soft concerned sounds.

“Sweetheart,” Natsu’s voice broke through, thick with emotion as his hold tightened around Gray, “I’m so sorry you’ve been hurting but I promise, things wouldn’t have been better if you had been in my place.”

“We would have hurt just as much because you’re a part of us,” Sting whispered, hand trailing down Gray’s arm to squeeze his hand, “and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

More hot tears escaped Gray, pressing his face into the crook of Natsu’s neck. 

“You know you can always talk to me, or any of us?” Natsu said softly after a few moments, pressing a kiss to Gray’s temple.

Gray breathed through another sob. “I-I know, I just… I didn’t want to bother any of you with my mess… and then I just- then I started thinking... maybe I’m not worth it anyway, worth anything, maybe you all would be better off without me, ‘cause I’m too much of a broken mess and then I felt dumb and ‘s stupid and-”

“Love, it's anything but stupid if it's causing you to hurt this much. You don't have to fight this on your own, holding things in like this,” Rogue insisted softly, warm rough palm squeezing Gray’s knee.

“And you are anything but a bother to any of us, we’re always here for you,” Sting said, pressing a kiss to the back of Gray’s neck that made him breathe a shaky sigh, “you’re worth everything to us, and we love you so so much.” Sting pressed another kiss behind Gray’s ear.

Another broken sob escaped Gray’s lips as he allowed the tangled mess of emotions in his chest to ease, pressing further into Natsu’s chest and gripping his shirt tightly.

“You hold us all together, we would never be the same without you,” Rogue whispered. Gray could see the warm sincerity in his eyes through his tears.

Their words and soothing touches kept him present and surrounded him with warmth and love, allowing himself to accept every bit of it with the people he loved most. 

They were Gray’s heart. Each a part of him and he really couldn't be whole without them either. Their comfort melted away the tension in his shoulders, the dark haze in his mind finally clearing a bit.

Gray’s sobs started to ease after several minutes. He pulled back slightly to rest his head on Natsu’s shoulder, squeezing Sting’s hand and reaching out for Rogue’s hand. “ ‘m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you all away lately. I don't want to lose you, but I just- sometimes I can’t-”

“Hey, we understand, love. I know it’s still hard for you sometimes,” Sting said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Gray’s hand soothingly, “would never push you into talking if you aren’t ready.”

Gray sighed deeply. Grateful he had such amazing support in his life, even if he felt like he didn’t deserve it.

“And you'll never lose us. We’ll still be right here for you, love. Always. I'm not going anywhere.” The conviction in Natsu’s voice almost made Gray start crying again, swallowing past the lump in his throat. 

Healing was never easy, often an uphill battle, but with them by his side, Gray felt like he just might be able to make it through.

“I… I love you all so much,” Gray’s voice a cracked whisper, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Natsu’s jaw.

Natsu pulled back slightly, his expression fond and soft, adoration reflecting in his eyes. “Love you too, you’re a part of me, forever. Nothing can change that.” Natsu’s thumb brushed away the lingering trail of tears on Gray’s cheek, warm palm caressing him before he pulled Gray in for a soft sweet kiss. Natsu swallowed the small gasp from Gray’s lips. 

Gray was still trembling slightly, warm emotions that swelled in his heart making him feel exposed and raw but their warmth was soothing and kept him present.

“Love you too, sweetheart,” Sting said softly, tipping Gray’s chin towards him, blue eyes warm and loving. Sting's soft palm pushed back Gray’s hair to press a lingering kiss to Gray’s forehead, “I don’t know what I would do without you.” Gray leaned in to give Sting a soft thankful kiss.

Rogue’s thumb brushed across Gray’s knuckles softly. “We’ll always need you, love. I need you, and I love you so much,” Rouge said, warm lips kissing Gray’s hand, “and besides, who else is gonna help keep these two in line?” Rouge teased lightly with a soft smile.

“Hey!” Natsu and Sting exclaimed.

Gray couldn’t help but chuckle softly as Natsu and Sting were trying to defend themselves. 

Gray squeezed Rouge's hand, warmth spreading through his chest, dissolving the last of the knot of anxiety that had been lingering and building there. What had he done to deserve to be loved by such kind people like them? Gray still wasn’t sure, but he knew that he was going to be sure to hold onto it, and never let go. 

They each held pieces of Gray's heart, and together, they all just fit.


End file.
